We try to put meanings to things:
My trouble with the phrase “everything happens for a reason” is that it gets the order wrong. Things don’t happen for reasons; reasons are the stories we graft on ex post facto to keep from being overwhelmed by the senselessness of life. A more accurate bumper sticker would read: Everything happens.
We all have different ways to view situations. Our stories that we tell show our own views, which could be different than how others see things, like in a breakup or something:
It used to surprise me, when hearing friends talk about problems with their bosses at work, and about fights or breakups with people they were dating, how grounded and sensible these friends seemed and how neither grounded nor sensible the other parties seemed. I’ve come to realize these friend-happenings have already been churned for meaning, with all the elision and distortion this implies, and that this outcome of the process is wholly unique to the individual. The story you’re telling yourself about why you and your ex broke up isn’t necessarily the story they are telling themself, even if the split is congenial. Everyone comes away with their own butter.
…conflict occurs when one person tries to impose the meaning that they have found for themselves onto the other person, rather than accepting that the other will find it—and likely a wholly different it—on their own. And maybe our most successful relationships, or the most successful moments in our relationships, are merely the ones when the two people come away from a shared experience with a similar-enough understanding of just what the hell happened.
From a psychology perspective, hell yeah. There is some evidence that we don’t reason, but instead we make rationalizations. That’s a pretty big difference.
As for the congruence between the two resulting in how successful a relationship is, maybe, yeah. The congruence might also be a third variable, though: congruence might result in harmony and a shared understanding, and those things might lead to a more successful relationship.